Yesterday I taught our women's Bible study. The study consists of a group of ladies whom I have grown to love and respect as fellow believers and sisters in Christ. They graciously listen to my "Aha!" moments that jump out to me in a passage, even though many of them have known Jesus much longer than I have.
I had one of those "Aha!" moments this past week when studying First Samuel.
In the passage we were studying (and really all throughout the Scriptures) the importance of remembering is made very clear -looking back on what God has done and reflecting on his goodness in the past.
With the tenth anniversary of my dad's death coming up this weekend, I couldn't help but reflect on the ten years that have come and gone since he went to be with Jesus. There's so much that has changed since he's been gone, and I often wonder what Dad would have thought about all that has changed in the last ten years:
Ipad's, for example. Who would have thought ten years ago we'd have such a thing? I bet my dad would have loved them; not so much for the practical uses but for the games. He loved his games, and to have them at the swipe of a finger! Who would have thought. Ahh....I bet he would have played Words with Friends with me and would have been pretty fired up when I won (I am a Words with Friends force to be reckoned with; yes, I'm admitting this).
There's been incredible developments, but there's been a lot of change on the home front too. The only grandchild my dad met was Ella, and I will never forget a special moment he had with his grand-daughter in the ICU. I remember Dad telling me how much fun we were going to have with Ella in the upcoming spring. She was ten months old at the time and was busily trying to crawl all over his hospital bed. He wondered if she would be a busy toddler.
Oh my word. At the time we were all ridiculously naive in thinking Ella was busy. Ella, who would sit in her stroller hour after hour while I sat with dad in the hospital, was an angel baby. God knew what we needed at the time. It wasn't until two little angel-devil's entered the world (Polski children two and three) that we understood God's graciousness in having Ella be our first born.
I think my Dad would have laughed at Jrod through the years. We had a cop visit the house a few days ago. Apparently someone called 911 after hearing a little girl scream at the top of her lungs (a neighbor thought she might be being abducted). No, this what not the case. It was Lily and Jrod in the back yard. The tornado siren went off for the monthly test, and Jrod took advantage of the situation: "Lily, it's aliens coming to get us! You must put your head down! If you look up they'll suck us up!" Thus the screaming. Thus the confusion about child abduction. Thus the cops.
I honestly think my dad would have laughed. But he also would have been so proud of his grand-kids (all nine of them now!) I will never forget this beautiful picture during a worship service just a few short weeks ago: Jrod was singing his heart out during worship - not caring who heard him or who was around - the boy sings with all of his might to Jesus. And there, looking up to him, was his little cousin, in awe. And not because of a particularly good voice, but because of how boldly Jrod sang. Beautiful. And Dad would have loved it.
So much change in the last several years: Change in jobs, illness in our family, children brought into the world, churches planted and grown....Reflection on the past is good; I can't look back on what God has brought us through and NOT remember his faithfulness to us. God is our help in ages past, and He's our hope for years to come. His faithfulness remained then and it will continue for us in the future.
But that was not my "Aha!" moment. That moment came for me when I read and reflected on 1 Samuel 12:24: "Only fear the Lord and serve him faithfully with all your heart. For consider what great things he has done for you."
Only (only!) fear the Lord and serve him with all of your heart. It's the simplicity of this verse that makes me sit here with tears in my eyes. This life is full; it's full of the good and it's full of the really, really tough.
As I reflect back, I have experienced both in profound ways. And as I look forward, I can (and should) expect both. But my calling through this life is not to solve all difficulties, control my surroundings, or fight what I think isn't good for me. My calling is to trust Jesus and to serve him with ALL of my heart.
Before all else, Jesus.
I miss my dad, but I know that he wouldn't leave the presence of God to come back and check out all the change - not for anything. In the end, it is Jesus. And so, before all else, Jesus.
We sing a song in church from time to time called "All I Have." Each time we sing it, I find myself filled with deep emotion, and as I listened to the words again this morning, it occurred to me what is so profound about this song: it's incredibly simple truth:
All I have
All I have
All I have is yours.
My kids? Their yours. My time? It's yours. My abilities? They're yours to do with what you please. My responsibility? To serve the Lord with all my heart.
Thanks, dad, for being an example of these simple truths. I look forward to seeing you again someday.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JDrUtzpAyM
(you can hear "All I have" by Sojourn)
