Expressions

Showing emotion is hard for some people.  Not all people.  My two youngest have no problem expressing their emotions....at all. 

"Mom, the drink I just had is the best drink I've ever had in my whole, entire life.  It like makes me want to die it's so good.  Just so good that you could never believe it," is the kind of thing I might hear from my son on a somewhat regular basis. 

And my youngest wants to let us know about everything she is feeling; all day long she lets us know about what she's feeling.  The other night, right before bed, she expressed this:  "Mom, I'm so cold.  But then when I put the covers on me I'm so hot.  So I'm like too hot and too cold and also my finger hurts. Like so bad.  But not as bad as my hand because my hand is so dry.  Can I get some lotion?  The smelly kind of lotion ?  Because that lotion makes me feel really good." 

So I gave her the smelly lotion and then she started bawling.  "That smelly lotion is all over my sheets and it makes me feel like I'm going to have bad dreams."  Because a little rose petal lotion on bed sheets would make one have bad dreams.  Obviously. 

And then there is my oldest.  Being more introverted, and more like her father, she's a little more even keeled when it comes to her emotions.  There aren't a lot of ups and downs (yet), and she tends to analyze before expressing the way she feels about something.

But this isn't always the case.  My oldest, also like her father, gets into things intensely.  Whether it's a book, a music group, or a sport, for a time she will be intensely focused on that one interest.  

To our demise as parents, we have slowly watched our oldest become intensely excited about the boy band One Direction.  For those who know my husband and his intense like of U2 (I'm telling you, my daughter and husband are two peas in a pod), this has been a little upsetting. 

He came home the other day to my oldest and her friend watching a One Direction movie.  The conversation went something like this: 

"Girls, why don't we turn on U2 videos instead?"   I'm not entirely sure what he was thinking the outcome of that question would be. 

"Um, no dad." This is what I was assuming the outcome to the question would be. 

Once the sharp pain of U2 rejection wore off, he continued:

"So, why do you like this boy group so much?"  Notice his deliberate choice of words. 

"Because they're a cool band, and they're really good." 

"They're not a band, and they're not really good." 

And that went over well with the girls.  I told him to try the U2 question again and see where that would get him. 

But, like the softy's we are, this past week we bought two tickets to the One Direction Concert.  Of course this came after first trying to sway her to save her money for the upcoming U2 tour.  We failed and two One Direction concert tickets were purchased - one for my daughter and the second for one of her parents.  Which parent will be decided upon at a later date.  Although I must admit, I'd love to see my husband go to a boy band concert.  So far, his best argument against this possibility is that the squealing hurts his ears.  He's going to have to do better than that. 

When the tickets were actually purchased, my daughter did not try to withhold one ounce of the emotion she was feeling.  There was screaming, dancing, texting, and maybe even a tear or two.  And we loved watching the emotions flow from her.  Even it is was because of Harry Styles. 

Because of some treatment she's been going through, I haven't been able to talk with my sister in quite a while.  While this has been difficult, I have been able to write her - actual hand written letters.  I've loved writing to her.  I look forward to her weekly letter and I look forward to sitting down and letting her know what's going on.  And from time to time, expressing my emotions to her through words rather than over the phone can actually be therapeutic.

I tend to be more like my younger two with my emotions, wearing a lot on my sleeve.  And yes, my husband is a patient man.  But I also enjoy expressing what I'm thinking and feeling through writing.  This reality has become very poignant for me as I've watched my mom slowly lose her ability to speak and write. 

I sense her agitation when she is trying to tell a story or when she wants to express her love to her grandkids.  It's not easy.  In fact, it's extremely difficult for her.  Her own body hinders her ability to communicate and express herself.  And there will come a time before too long when that speech will be gone completely as her body continues to weaken.  To watch her struggle in trying to express herself tears at my heart in a way I can't really express.  And while this is seemingly very difficult to relate with, I can empathize in a small way with her frustration in communicating what she wants to express. 

Even if we're not physically hindered, everyone has been hit with some news, some kind of heart breaking reality, that takes the breath right out of us.  It's in those moments when clear expression is as difficult as it can be to breath.  When my sister told me she had breast cancer, she called and said three words:  "I've got it."  I really didn't know what to say or how to feel.  With a loss of words, my body responded by shaking. 

When my dad passed into glory, it was difficult to know just how to express what I was feeling.  I could no longer pray for his healing, so I just wept. 

It's because of these kinds of situations that the verses from Romans 8 have been particularly significant to me through the last several years:  "Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness.  For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groaning's too deep for words." 

Can you see the hope that this passage gives?   No matter how hard it may be to convey our emotions, thoughts, and confusions, the spirit takes care of it for us.   And he does this with "groaning's too deep for words."  We may not know what to ask or even how to ask it, but the spirit does.  Our present suffering expressed through groans are taken by the Spirit and formed into a beautiful offering of requests to God, woven together in perfect harmony with His will.  It's an act that is mercifully beautiful. 

And I know that our all powerful God weeps with us when we can't bear to hold in our tears. He rejoices with us when we can't contain our excitement.  And when we can express nothing at all, He sends His spirit to do it for us.