We never told them that he wasn't real....but I suppose we never really told them he was either. Just this last Christmas I was having a conversation in the car with my five year old:
"Mom, we need to tell a lot of people about Jesus."
"Yes, we do, Lily. You can tell your friends who may not know about Jesus."
"I will because he's real. I'll tell them about hell too."
Well, we had a few minutes of discussion on a tactful way to go about eternal damnation. And then, with the same resolve she felt in telling her friends about Jesus, she said:
"And Mom, I need to make sure to tell my friends that Santa isn't real either."
And then I totally confused her. So I summarized: Tell your friends that Jesus is real. Do not tell your friends that Santa is not.
The poor kid. There's so much to try and get straight when you're five.
While my kids have never been believers in the jolly fat man, they've always been firm believers in the tooth fairy. This is purely the result of our parenting. We've always gone a little too far when it came to the tooth fairy: handwritten notes in fancy writing on fancy paper, gifts (like birthday present type gifts), pictures of the tooth fairy's house, pictures of her friends, scavenger hunts to and from the tooth fairy, and correspondence that would last for weeks between our child and the "tooth fairy." O.K., we have gone way too far.
It all started very innocently. My oldest daughter lost her tooth one night right before bed. She was so excited about putting it under her pillow and I'll never forget her toothless smile when she exclaimed, "I wonder how much money the tooth fairy gives for your first tooth."
My husband and I looked at each other completely dismayed. My husband began assuring my daughter that the tooth fairy would definitely give her some money, but that sometimes money comes in the form of something called a check....
I totally interrupted his explanation pulling him out of the room and turning off the lights for my dreamy daughter who was trying so hard to stay awake for the special visit.
He was right, though. We had no cash in the house - not even a dime. And then I had a brilliant idea: it was her birthday in a week and I had a few presents hidden for the big occasion. "We'll just put one of the gifts under her pillow and write a note explaining that she's a special girl so she gets a gift instead of money."
It was the stupidest idea I've ever had. We didn't consider multiple teeth, nor did we consider multiple children. Ideally, we would have started with a quarter and gone up from there, but instead with started with a new baby doll....and a note. We had to go up from there. Subsequently, each lost tooth from my daughter, and then of course from my son, resulted in a gift, a fancy note, and all that followed in between. My husband and I began dreading the loss of teeth.
I will never forget the day when our babysitter and friend let the cat out of the bag for our older two. She assumed they were too old to believe in a tooth fairy, and so when one of them lost a tooth, my friend said very matter of fact: "So, what are your parents going to put under your pillow?"
I'm told that my kids looked like deer in the headlights. My friend came to me apologetically, feeling awful that she broke the news to them. She was sorry that the kids no longer believed in a winged fairy that sprinkled them with magic dust, sorry that they no longer believed there was a magical forest where they lived, and sorry that they no longer accepted a reality of winged fairy's that watched over each and every tooth.
I was over joyed. The truth was out! And I didn't have to break the news. I wanted to do a happy dance knowing that I no longer had to do late night runs to Walmart to get a present; my husband was totally willing to join me in the happy dance. He no longer had to write fancy notes on fancy stationary. We were free! We were free to say to our kids, "Great. You lost a tooth. We'll give you a buck."
But then we had one more child. Lily found out recently that she had to have a tooth pulled by her dentist. This was going to be her first "lost" tooth. Her emotions about the event ranged from fear, due the fact that her brother ever so caringly explained that she'd get a shot in her mouth that would make her mouth feel really weird, to excitement, due to the fact that she loves her dentist and couldn't wait to go to his office, to joy, due to the fact that the tooth fairy was going to visit her when the tooth came out.
The tooth fairy. Shoot. I told my kids not to say anything about what the tooth fairy brought to them in the past. If they wanted to mention the more recent dollars they've received, they could mention away.
For a good week, Lily told every person she saw about the tooth pulling. And I mean she told everyone. The check out guy at Trader Joes knew the date of the pulling, her friends at church knew what was going to happen, and her teacher....her poor teacher....informed me she heard about what was becoming the infamous "pulling" every day of the week.
Lily was very detailed with her explanation as well. She didn't make it quick, explaining all about the tooth behind the tooth that was going to be pulled, showing off the affected tooth, and then describing the process of the shot and funny feeling as if this had happened to her numerous times before.
She actually wanted me to make a paper chain so she could count down the days. I told her we'd count sleeps instead. The night before, Lily starred up at her ceiling with a big smile on her face. It was odd. Very, very odd. You would have thought we were going to Disney World the next day. But no, we were going to the dentist to get a tooth pulled.
She woke up the morning of the pulling as if she had been dreaming about it all night: "Mom, is today the day? Today is the day!" She chose her favorite dress to wear for her dentist. She was set.
I made sure we had cash in the house. We were set.
When we arrived at the dentist office, the descriptions from Lily continued. She explained the details to the dental assistant, she showed the tooth to the hygienist and then waited with great anticipation to get to the chair.
Once we finally made it into the room, Lily sat in the chair, reclined, shut her eyes as tight as she could, opened her mouth so wide that she started to shake, and then.....she cried.
At this point there were no needles, no dental tools, just the realization that the greatly anticipated tooth pulling time was finally here, and I'm sure she wondered if it was going to be every bit as painful as her dear brother described that it would be. As I watched my daughter in the chair, I got a glimpse into my own emotional instability: within seconds, my child was crying, then laughing, then crying, and then smiling, weeping, and then laughing again.
Once the quick procedure was over, Lily took her boxed up tooth and walked to the car with a sense of pride. I pulled out of the driveway and began telling Lily how proud I was of her. Aside from the inherited emotional instability, she did pretty well in a situation that was probably a little scary for a five year old. It was then that she brought her up:
"Mom, can I take my tooth out of the box and hold it. If I don't hold it then the tooth fairy might not know that it's actually mine."
I took a last minute detour. Without giving it much though, I turned into target. I sat for a minute considering my future in the tooth fairy business, knowing the reality of what my future could hold with each and every little tooth that my little girl brought to me.
That night, Lily, much like her older sister, said she was going to try to stay awake to see the tooth fairy. After she was asleep, I pulled out the wrapped gift of Frozen, and my husband got out the fancy stationary and started with his fancy writing. We both sighed knowing full well the suckers that we truly are.
We were strangely excited to sneak in and slip the gift and note under Lily's pillow. And if the excitement of late night runs to Walmart and fancy notes on fancy paper runs out for us, I can always call my friend...
Happy first tooth fairy visit, little lily. Enjoy each and every one.
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